You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
