I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
