porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize