DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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