walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
