my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
