I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
