I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize