weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
