I want to make a zoo with you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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