i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
