yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
