STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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