one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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