It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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