It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
