my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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