he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
