Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
