i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
