You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
