I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
