PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
