they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
