i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
