I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
