Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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