i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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