i used baking grease as lip gloss
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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