worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize