the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it glows. i had to have it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
