They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
