Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
