he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize