Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am one with the molecules
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
