and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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