I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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