Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
