I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
