walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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