If i could tip my vagina, i would.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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