I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I deserve this hangover.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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