is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
