At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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