bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
