wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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