and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
