It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
