I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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