Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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