we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And my parents said I crawled through the house
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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