hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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