Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
