Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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