she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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