it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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