dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
