Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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