so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
