I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize