Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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