my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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