a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
