I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
