I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
