Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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