HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
40s are totally the cure
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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