Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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