What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
