Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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