She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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