it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
