I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
