people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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