So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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